I thought I knew what I was being promised – I was sure I did. At the beginning. Oh yes, I was suitably hesitant. Diffident. I was young, no I really was young. I thought it would be better to wait, do it more suitably when I could command respect a bit better. But I thought I knew what I was being promised, and that it would be all right. I would sail through life, protected.
You are entirely correct, I am almost laughing, and no, the laughter is not kind. No, I am not suitably respectful towards – let me put it this way, we have been through too much together, he and I, for there to be that kind of respect between us. Yet, oh yes, I respect Yahweh. I would put what little money I have left that I respect him more deeply than you can possibly imagine. I have also cursed him more deeply and blessed him more deeply than … yes.
Let me start at the very beginning – my name is Jeremiah and I am very definitely from a professionally religious family. I am well born, and very suitably educated, and the first hairs were only growing in my groin when Yahweh called me, and no really I do not care that you think a prophet of Yahweh should not use language like that. I am still seriously angry, only now the anger is as much against myself as …
He called me. I saw the difficulties. Then Yahweh promised me that I would be able to speak, and be heard, and stand like pillar. He spoke and then I saw nothing but joy and certainty and that heady rush of following him and listening to him was better than being drunk, or in love, or the first time another strokes a hand up the inside of your thigh. I felt – I actually knew I could go anywhere, and do anything, and never be harmed, because Yahweh was with me.
Now do you see just why I became so angry?